We all wear different hats. Over the years I have worn many: Mother, Wife, Employee, Volunteer, Friend to name a few. But the hat that I am now forced to wear doesn’t seem to fit. It is the ugly, sad, lonely hat of a widow. It has been 10 months now since I lost the love of my life and the hat fits as poorly today as it did the day he died. To be honest I don’t think it will ever be comfortable.
Looking back over the last 10 months I I have gone through many phases. There are moments I don’t even remember. (Darn widow’s brain-yes it’s a real condition) It’s as if I blocked out some of the most painful times from my memory. I have made reckless quick decisions, but have also been indecisive on other things. It took me 2 months to take his toothbrush off the bathroom counter to just put it in the vanity drawer. His clothes still hang in the closet, yet I felt quite proud of myself when I threw away his underwear from his dresser. Yes, there have been many inconsistencies in my behavior. I just can’t seem to get this widow thing right. The hat/ role isn’t coming naturally, I’m not adapting well to this.
I wasn’t expecting to wear this hat this soon. I thought we would have another 10-15 years together. So now that I am forced to don this hat what am I to do? How can I make this transition more smoothly? More consistently? That my friend is the million-dollar question. If you have the answer or sugestions, please post below. I just wanted to let others who are going through this know 1) you are not alone 2) I get it! 3) Together we will get through this 4) God has not forgotten us. He said He would be a husband to the widow. (Isaiah 54:5-6)
Keep adjusting your hat. You will never “LIKE” it, but we must learn to wear it with grace and confidence. Our spouses would want us to carry on and live our best life. Hugs to you all!
Beautifully said
I am celebrating my husbands graduation when he passed on the same day as your honey who also went to his eternal home.
I am frozen in grief from Thanksgiving to now. I can’t even put a hat on. He left me messages that say “smile “
We don’t have a time frame on grief. I’m honoring the godly man and husband. My happiest Christmas was our first together. He had a servant’s heart and a love to tell others about eternity with our Father.
Focusing on what God is going to do in your life and mine is the greatest opportunity we’ve ever been given.
Thank you Father for our husbands who are celebrating their first Christmas with you! Our God is an awesome God. Do you readers know Him? Bless you Janice as you travel through this journey.
Thank you for your post. You are right. They are celebrating their first Christmas in heaven. That is an awesome thought. I will write my next post on that very thing. What a great inspiration you are!! God bless you.